I have something to tell you, and it won’t be easy to talk about this subject, in fact most of us avoid it, but it is crucial and important for your confidence and freedom: NO is a complete sentence.
Let that sink in for a second.
This is a principle that I think we all need to engrave in our minds and souls – NO means NO, no matter what anyone says. Your words are enough and your words can help you defend yourself against the people who will try to hurt and bring you down in life.
“NO” is never easy. I know from personal experience – the belief that I want to be a “good” girl, and the desire I have to be accepted, loved, appreciated… but it’s a trap. That belief that you have to say YES to get what is rightfully yours, what every human being deserves, is a LIE.
It’s worth repeating: NO is a complete sentence.
I know several people in my life who are the most giving, beautiful, and they are so kind – some of them haven’t learned to say NO. And it’s heartbreaking, to see someone you love, who is so talented and has so much potential, let themselves suffocate and be run over by others who suck their energy and take advantage of them.
Oh, that reminds me, let me tell you a secret: I struggle with this too. I find myself suffocating in YES more times than I can count. And it doesn’t work. I can’t please everyone, and it’s difficult to get reminded in painful ways. I am tired of getting taken advantage of, used, and then being tossed to the side, underestimated, undervalued, unappreciated.
Most of the time, when I want to say NO, I end up saying yes. Why? I ask myself. I’ve learned through self-reflection, that when I look inside my inner belief system, I find my underlying, innermost fear… rejection. I am afraid, and I will proudly show it, I’m afraid of being held back, afraid of people turning their backs on me.
But, you know what? I’ve learned that rejection happens even when I say yes. I can’t stop rejection from happening… but I can make it less painful by taking the people who don’t care and don’t matter out of my life. Because, the true friends and true family stick with you, even when you say NO, or not now.
And one more thing: when you say NO, it’s valid. When you say NO, you don’t need to elaborate, explain, or say why. So if anyone crosses that boundary, it’s necessary to cut them off. They got in your bubble, so now you have the means to get in their face, and tell them to get OUT of your life.
NO is freedom. It helps you breathe, you feel comfortable with yourself, you know your priorities, you feel unconquerable. NO is a state of mind – it means taking time for you, knowing what is most important in your life, putting aside the things that really, at the end of the day, don’t matter.
So, today, I’m saying NO.
- NO to being inauthentic.
- NO to the haters.
- NO to users and abusers.
- NO to negativity.
- NO to self-hate.
- NO to pleasing everyone.
- NO to holding myself back.
NO is a complete sentence.